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January-- Before I Do Column: The Beginning
By: Sara J Gamble
before I do.
It's not easy, you don't want to do it...but you
have to decide - who do you want at your wedding?
The "main" guest list can be easy or hard...it really depends on how you do it, but it's the gray area of who gets to bring a guest that can give you the biggest headache of all.
When we sat down to finalize the guest list and to figure out who we thought should get a guest we stuck to a few main rules - whether you have money to give everyone a plus one or not...we felt this helped.
(1) Are they married or engaged? If so, always a yes.
(2) Have they been with their boyfriend/girlfriend for a long time and do you know them well? If so, yes. I always use my friend Carolyn as this example; she and her boyfriend Keith have been together for a number of years now and we are good friends...so it was a no brainer.
(3) Bridal party: I found that is a nice thing to give your bridal party each a date. Sure, they could fall in any of the categories but these people are putting out money and time for your day...it's the least you can do.
Here's where it gets tricky...
(4) Will they know anyone else at the wedding or will they sit there alone? If the person will more than likely not know many people at the wedding, it's always a nice gesture to get them a date who will make them feel more comfortable and ultimately have a better time.
(5) Is this person habitually single OR a serial monogamist? Hm, this can be tricky...if they fall into the question above - then sure, give them a date; however, if you are inviting a bunch of that group of friends together, singlely - then they don't need one.
Don't feel obligated to follow these tips/guidelines exactly...sometimes you have to do it on a case-by-case basis. If someone has a serious girl/boyfriend but you've personally never met them you shouldn't feel obligated to invite them.
Don't feel you have to abide by the "anyone over 18 gets a guest" when in reality that could cost you a great deal of money. For my wedding we invited 241 people, if we gave everyone over 18 a guest the list would be pushing 325 and that's a lot of money wasted...and a lot of random people at your wedding.
Okay, so you made your decisions and your starting to do the invitations and send them out (or maybe this happens before) either way you should prepare yourself NOW for people asking "don't I get a date?" or "can I bring my girl/boyfriend?" Note: if you are reading this article right now then I will tell you this...it is NEVER okay to ask if you get a date - the ONLY exception would be if you are married or engaged.
However you choose to handle this - trust me, I get it - it's annoying but there are two ways to do this...polite or impolite. This happened to me twice and I chose to stick somewhere in the middle. If a person contacts you and says "do I get a date to your wedding?" keep it simple and say "No, I'm sorry you don't." Hopefully the person will get the message and go on; however, if the person pushes for it, stand your ground. You can say things like "I'm sorry we don't have the room" or "The guest list is already pretty large" or something of that sorts...you can always get a little snarky and add "...for future wedding etiquette FYI, it would say 'and guest' on the invitation somewhere and it is considered incredibly rude to ask this."
Be prepared that people may not like this idea but you have to remember that this is your day, your money and ultimately you and your fiance's decision.
So don't be afraid to get a little blunt if you need to - sometimes people need to hear it...and it will always make you feel a little better.
---
Got something you want to read about or a question about a situation you're in the middle of and need an honest answer? Feel free to email me at BeforeIDo@haleymadisonmag.com with the appropriate subject line, even if I don't write about it I promise I will get back to you one way or another!
Follow this column on Twitter > @BeforeIDo_HMM
Follow me > @saraxj
The "main" guest list can be easy or hard...it really depends on how you do it, but it's the gray area of who gets to bring a guest that can give you the biggest headache of all.
When we sat down to finalize the guest list and to figure out who we thought should get a guest we stuck to a few main rules - whether you have money to give everyone a plus one or not...we felt this helped.
(1) Are they married or engaged? If so, always a yes.
(2) Have they been with their boyfriend/girlfriend for a long time and do you know them well? If so, yes. I always use my friend Carolyn as this example; she and her boyfriend Keith have been together for a number of years now and we are good friends...so it was a no brainer.
(3) Bridal party: I found that is a nice thing to give your bridal party each a date. Sure, they could fall in any of the categories but these people are putting out money and time for your day...it's the least you can do.
Here's where it gets tricky...
(4) Will they know anyone else at the wedding or will they sit there alone? If the person will more than likely not know many people at the wedding, it's always a nice gesture to get them a date who will make them feel more comfortable and ultimately have a better time.
(5) Is this person habitually single OR a serial monogamist? Hm, this can be tricky...if they fall into the question above - then sure, give them a date; however, if you are inviting a bunch of that group of friends together, singlely - then they don't need one.
Don't feel obligated to follow these tips/guidelines exactly...sometimes you have to do it on a case-by-case basis. If someone has a serious girl/boyfriend but you've personally never met them you shouldn't feel obligated to invite them.
Don't feel you have to abide by the "anyone over 18 gets a guest" when in reality that could cost you a great deal of money. For my wedding we invited 241 people, if we gave everyone over 18 a guest the list would be pushing 325 and that's a lot of money wasted...and a lot of random people at your wedding.
Okay, so you made your decisions and your starting to do the invitations and send them out (or maybe this happens before) either way you should prepare yourself NOW for people asking "don't I get a date?" or "can I bring my girl/boyfriend?" Note: if you are reading this article right now then I will tell you this...it is NEVER okay to ask if you get a date - the ONLY exception would be if you are married or engaged.
However you choose to handle this - trust me, I get it - it's annoying but there are two ways to do this...polite or impolite. This happened to me twice and I chose to stick somewhere in the middle. If a person contacts you and says "do I get a date to your wedding?" keep it simple and say "No, I'm sorry you don't." Hopefully the person will get the message and go on; however, if the person pushes for it, stand your ground. You can say things like "I'm sorry we don't have the room" or "The guest list is already pretty large" or something of that sorts...you can always get a little snarky and add "...for future wedding etiquette FYI, it would say 'and guest' on the invitation somewhere and it is considered incredibly rude to ask this."
Be prepared that people may not like this idea but you have to remember that this is your day, your money and ultimately you and your fiance's decision.
So don't be afraid to get a little blunt if you need to - sometimes people need to hear it...and it will always make you feel a little better.
---
Got something you want to read about or a question about a situation you're in the middle of and need an honest answer? Feel free to email me at BeforeIDo@haleymadisonmag.com with the appropriate subject line, even if I don't write about it I promise I will get back to you one way or another!
Follow this column on Twitter > @BeforeIDo_HMM
Follow me > @saraxj
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